Oh my god I've made it to the end of the week. Riding the waves of my craving's is exhausting. Thinking about not smoking is exhausting. When I am not riding the wave of a cravings, thinking about not smoking, I am having anxiety about this party I am going to tomorrow and anxiety about all the paperwork I have to do and all the obligations I have and worried I may smoke during a weak moment! One of the things keeping me going is the positive feedback I am getting from others. As a closet smoker, not many knew I smoked. I have been more open about it this past year and I have been really open about the fact I am in the process of quitting. Some people have been incredibly supportive, some just a little but up until today no one has been non supportive or tried to sabotage my recovery.
Today I needed an extra boost and more people than usual telling me, "right on, you can do this, excellent woman!" On Friday's only I share space with another worker. We chat occasionally and I let her in on my quit. She immediately asked how long it had been. My instinct told me to stop talking and get up and leave. I ignored her question and told her I was in a smoking cessation group and was feeling quite good. I then made a move to leave. I had been needy and made a very bad choice and I had a strong feeling I needed to go. Before I was able to exit she became instantly wise and sage and lifted her head to the heavens and stated, "That's good, but just remember you may have prolonged the number of healthy years you have and you may have decreased the severity of cancer you get, but you will get cancer. Anyone who smoked will get cancer" I was stunned. I had always been respectful and kind to her. There was no call for the crap coming out of her mouth. I was furious! I retorted"With words like that I might as well go out and buy a pack right now and smoke the whole thing at once." Then I did get up and leave. She was out to sabotage my recovery and make me feel like shit, even if I succeed she wanted to make me feel like shit, there would be no success if she had her way. This woman had a hidden agenda based on her personal background. Nothing to do with me or facts or science or research reports or living life with a good attitude. I learned quite a few important lessons. I cannot be an open book about this. Its important to have a support group and trust they will support you, choose wisely. People will try to sabotage your recovery you must be prepared to walk away and remove yourself from their toxic vapors. Let people know that they need to be supportive and if they say something that is damaging tell them that you need support right now and what they said isn't supportive so you would prefer if that is what they have to say that they say nothing. Be assertive, not aggressive, assertive. Its your recovery and you have the right to good health and peace of mind.
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